Author’s Note: Some names and identifying details in this story have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved. In some cases, symbolic or fictitious names are used to reflect the role a person came to represent in my life.
One thing I learned later in life was the importance of taking accountability for my own actions. I think, as people, we often struggle to fully accept responsibility for the choices we make. I know I have been guilty of shifting blame, pointing fingers, and trying to explain away bad decisions by saying things like, “Well, if they hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t have ended up in that situation.”
Anyone who has lived long enough can probably fill in that blank with circumstances from their own life.
Eventually, I stopped blaming other people and began to understand that if I wanted better outcomes, I had to make better decisions. Other people could influence me, tempt me, or point me in the wrong direction, but I was still responsible for the choices I made.
Jesus said in Matthew 10:16 to be “wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” Looking back, I understand that lesson much differently now. We have to be careful about who we trust, who we listen to, and who we allow into our lives.
At that age, however, I was too young and immature to fully understand the consequences of the decisions I was making. Being under the influence only made matters worse.
The Serpent always seemed to find a way for us to sneak off somewhere on campus and take a hit from a pipe. He even carried a bottle of Visine to hide the redness in our eyes. He seemed to have the whole routine figured out.
Before long, marijuana became something I depended on, and it began interfering with my ability to think clearly and make good decisions. From that point forward, life became increasingly difficult for me to understand. Instead of dealing with problems, emotions, or uncomfortable situations, my thinking became much simpler: I just wanted to get high so I could cope.
Looking back now, I can see how many unnecessary and ridiculous situations followed. Many of them could have been avoided if I had been thinking clearly and making better choices instead of allowing a chemical dependency to influence my decisions.